Twinkle Toes Redeemed - Part 2

I have to admit, the Princess in me got pretty excited about being on stage again.  I did some childrens theater while in high school, but it has been a long time since the spot light has shined on this gal.  Thankfully, there was enough hunger for the limelight to overpower the self conscious nerves and no so subtle inner voices that constantly nagged at me during rehearsals.  

“You look ridiculous!  You’re likely to trip over your own feet.  There you’ll go ass-over-tea kettle in front of everyone.  Your skirt will fly up over your head for sure!  Better wear nice panties.”  Ugh!

Being with other nervous adults was a huge help too.  You know the saying “misery loves company”?  Well, misery is not alone.  We all love company when we face something nerve wracking or new to us.  I made fast friends with Kristy, who in my opinion is the picture of grace.  We both joked about our fears of eminent embarrassment on the big stage and realized that if the worst did happen; neither of us would be alone.  Our dance was pretty simple so after the first couple shows both of us were able to calm down and really enjoy participating.

I danced in a total of 9 shows.  None of them were perfect, but all of them were magical.  It dawned on me during one of the performances that I was onstage with some of my favorite people in the world; my BFF Tamara, her father, her daughter, and her husband.  Several friends came to the performances to cheer us on as well.  But closing night was by far the best because my Dad was able to come and see the show.  By that time all the kinks had been worked out and all of us were set to give our best performances.  Dad got me roses and made me feel just like a prima ballerina, 41 going on 14.  

The gangley twinkle toes of yesterday may seem like a mediocre middle-aged poser to some, but to those that count, I am extraordinary.  Best of all, fears have been conquered, life has been lived and twinkle toes has been redeemed.

Is there something you have always wanted to do but life has held you back?  Maybe there is a way to embrace your passion on a smaller, more manageable scale.  I will (probably) never dance with Baryshnikov but this experience came awfully close as far as emotional payoff is concerned.  Think about it!

Twinkle Toes Redeemend - Part 1

I had to take ballet lessons when I was young.  Hated them with a passion.  I used to spend hours daydreaming about what it would be like to dance like a professional ballerina.  So graceful and light-footed, ballerinas seem to me like angels bringing heaven down to earth, showing us what spirits look like when they move.  Although I love to watch ballet, I have always abhorred the idea of joining in the dance.  I am a klutz.  I was born with an unavoidable tendency toward total lack of balance.  At the time that I was taking ballet – did I mention I hated it? – I was all preteen knobby knees and elbows.  I felt horribly, excruciatingly inferior every time I went to class.  Just stepping out onto the studio floor felt like an insult to the beauty of the craft I reverently dreamed about.  There are few things worse for a kid then to want something so badly and be reminded consistently and thoroughly that it is an impossible dream. 

My mother made me do it.  She signed me up for 4 years of consecutive torture.  It was perhaps one of the hardest and greatest gifts she ever gave me.  My mom knew movement was a challenge for me in the best of circumstances.  She also knew that gracefulness was not something I would ever grasp in any measure unless it was drilled into me week after week in the repetition of classical ballet training.  I argued and bawled and screamed and begged to get out of classes, but mom was adamant and she never budged.  I look back at those days and know with the distance of time and the wisdom of adulthood that she did me an enormous favor in refusing to relent.  I am reminded of this each time I pour a cup of tea and notice my pinky delicately lifted, a dancer’s hand floating gracefully through the air.

Still, I am reticent to participate in anything even remotely resembling a dance class.  My BFF Tamara is a dancer.  She is in many ways a bridge for me between what I am, and what I want to become.  It is because of her that I work part time for a non-profit performing arts company.  I have watched her perform in full-length ballets with this company for years and had the privilege to watch many of the students of this company become professional dancers.  However, a thin cast hampered this year’s production. They needed dancers and suddenly opportunity was knocking at my door.

“The nobles just walk, and the ladies wear long skirts,” she said.  “You can do that.”

Seeing that they were desperate, and knowing that ballerinas are human too, I decided that I could probably risk a “walking dance” especially if I was wearing a tent for a skirt and no one could see my shuffling gait.  I was pretty sure I could be a ballerina from the waist up.  And besides, I’d seen the principal dancers in this production and I knew no one would be watching me once they took to the stage.

So, before I could chicken out, I volunteered to join the cast as a Noble Woman.  Suddenly I was going to be a dancer and share the stage, in a public performance, with people who could actually float like angels.   What was I thinking?

Check my blog next week to find out what happened next in Part 2 of Twinkle Toes Redeemed.